Rantings of A Single 45 Year Old

Tonight I have decided to rant about being single in the year 2010. Wait...let me rephrase that...being 45 and single in the year 2010! I think I am a riddle wrapped up in a mystery inside an enigma. I'm hip (so I've been told) for my age, embracing a new way of thinking with old fashioned desires and new age dreams. Go figure. I confuse myself.

Dating sucks. I don't care what anybody says. It sucks great big ones. And I'm too straightforward for my own good. For a fat girl...I get asked out a lot. The thing that surprises me more than that is the shallow, devious men that think just because I am fat that I'm also insecure. In other words, an easy lay. They have been proven wrong! That's not to say I haven't had lovers...but that's a whole other blog. hehe To continue on...(Warning: I change topics mid-sentence!!) I have been asked out in grocery stores, book stores, coffee shops and at the college. To name a few places. Then there's the whole world of online single sites. Scary as online dating is...it's a great medium for meeting the opposite sex (or the same sex). Just be smart about it. I could go over the rules for all of that...but I came here to rant about the men themselves.

Since moving to Utah I have met two kinds of men. The ones looking for an easy lay and the ones looking for a wife. Since I am not number one and I do not want to be number two...they have a hard time with me. On one date I met a guy that before the waitress brought us our beers had laid out his "thirteen year plan". WTF?!! He looked like quite shocked when I told him, "Hey, man, I don't know if I even want to spend thirteen more minutes with you!" Why do people want to move so blasted fast? What happened to courting? That whole joy of taking the time to get to know someone? Doesn't mean you can't share your dreams and goals...but this guy included IN his thirteen year plan his expectations of ME! Sorry, I'm not ready to dream somebody's dreams with them if I haven't spent enough time with them to know whether or not I even LIKE them enough to want to share their dreams with them.  (whew! I be a long sentence writer, huh?)

Then there's the desperate ones that are so twitterpated that you actually said yes and you're with them...that they don't have a thought of their own for fear of scaring you away. Whatever you want. Whatever you want to do. While that's nice and I do like having some input in what we do, I'd really love it if I knew what THEY enjoyed doing. Come on! One guy wanted to grab a bite to eat when we met. So, I didn't eat thinking we were going to do that. "So, we're gonna grab a bite to eat?" I say as we stand there awkwardly smiling at each other. "Well...(huge pause here) IF that's what you'd like to do? We can, uh, do, uh, whatever you'd like to do." My stomach is growling because I haven't eaten because when he asked me out HE said we were going to EAT. Being the honest soul that I am, I say, "I'm starving and you said we were gonna eat. So let's go eat." Lord have mercy! It was only the beginning of my torture session!

Now we've met on 25th Street because it's beautiful, there's lots to see and do and there's any type of restaurant you can imagine there. So, I start walking because he's afraid to even move and I ask him what he'd like to eat and I start naming off the types of foods and restaurants. Not knowing what he can afford I figure this is a great way for him to let me know. The man liked it all and couldn't decide. We walked two friggin' blocks! I finally said, "Please pick a restaurant! I wasn't lying when I said I was starving." He laughs and says he's really not that hungry. Well, why in the hell did he even suggest we meet to eat?! I'm aggravated beyond belief now but, then I think maybe he doesn't have a lot of money. So I suggest a sandwich shop that I know has affordable prices. His response, "If that's what you want? We can eat anywhere." Shit. I just started walking. I ordered a salad. Mr. I'm Really Not That Hungry...he has a sandwich, soup, FRENCH FRIES, a slice of pie, and "The biggest drink you have, please." Then smiles at me. He ended up finishing off my salad!

He did not have an opinion on politics, religion, weather, automobile preference or genres of music he preferred. It was always, "how do you feel, Dina?" and then, "I agree completely!" I was so frustrated and bored that I suggested a movie I wanted to see because we can't talk for two hours! Mean? Hell no! My reward for having to put up with him. And I got popcorn with extra butter and "the biggest drink you have, please!"

I think it's the blonde hair, the southern accent and the impeccable manners that was ingrained in me as a child by loving, southern parents. It throws them off. They are quite taken aback when they find I am a passionate, opinionated, independent, confident and more liberal than conservative woman. hehehe

I suppose now would be a good time to explain just exactly I do want with and from a man. Well, I'm not lookin' for a sugar daddy or a husband. Sugar daddies come with a price. And I've had two husbands so I am obviously not good at the marriage thing. Husbands come with a price, too! That piece of paper is f***ing expensive to make null and void. (sorry for using the F bomb, Mama. But, I did put those little stars in there for you.)

I want someone I can enjoy in and out of the bedroom. I want a partner, a friend, a lover and a confidante. I want loyalty and kindness and laughter. And I want a man that doesn't want a threesome! (You have NO idea how many men have asked if that is out of the question?!) Come on! I'm not saying I'll never get married again but I don't want that hanging over my head. It just creates all kinds of BS. I'm not a virgin and I like sex. I'm just picky about who I have sex with. Besides after seven years you're considered married anyways. IF somebody sticks with me seven years and suggests marriage...I might consider it. I think there's something to be said for living together and getting to know someone first. You never buy a car without test driving it first anyways, right?

I sometimes fear I have become one of the Seinfeld characters. You know how Jerry always breaks up with them for stupid reasons? Man hands, low talker, high talker, they don't laugh at his jokes, their laugh or how they wear their hair. And then there's Elaine. She finds the perfect man but has to break up with him because of his politics regarding abortion. Looking back, I have not gone on a second date for the following reasons (and each of these reasons was a different guy)... called me "sweety" too much, thought Adam Sandler movies were "the bomb", snorted instead of laughed about EVERYTHING, wore high water pants, had a huge booger in his nose, didn't own a car, was a racist, said AXE instead of ask and was an hour late because he "had to take a shit". I don't know where I find them. Or why I think I even should go out again. But, THE biggest reason I have not gone on a second date with quite a few men was because when they said good night they said, "I love you."


How do you know you love someone after ONE date? Come on. This ain't my first rodeo and I don't date boys. How can you get to be my age and truly take that seriously? And if they truly think they love me...that scares me even more.


I suppose I have rattled on enough. I think in my defense...I would like to say that I have dated some very nice men. Perfect gentlemen. Big spenders. Fun guys. Exciting. Sexy. Handsome. But, so far I have yet to find that one that gets me. That truly takes the time to get to know me and let me get to know him. That loves me unconditionally. There's always conditions. And I refuse to settle. I want a man to bring out the best in me but I don't need one to be the best. 

But, I continue my search because I believe he's out there somewhere. And I don't want to grow old alone. I want someone to make love to in the kitchen when I'm sixty and watch the sunset on my front porch in my porch swing. I'm a romantic. I admit it. A realistic romantic. I know that before we head out to sit on that porch swing we're gonna see we should have swept the porch but we won't care because we're so tired from that romp on the kitchen floor... when he bumped his knee on the chair on the way to floor and caught himself by landing on me and knocking the air out of me. Then when he put his hands on either side of my face he rested his hands on my hair and it pulled so hard it made my eyes water and I screamed, "Get off my hair!" But, we ended up making sweet love and a memory to laugh about later. And the sunset is even more beautiful because I'm sharing it with someone that gives me moments and memories. And he's there.


And as my search continues...Life Goes On.

First Posting

I journal and I thought this might be fun. I don't know if I will ever tell anyone this exists until I see if it's even beneficial to me or anyone else out there. Where do I begin? (smile)

At the age of 44 I started college! Wow! I just turned 45 and am now in my second semester at Weber State University. I LOVE it! It's hard and challenging and overwhelming...but it's also amazing and exciting and satisfying. I'm finally chasing this dream I've had for quite some time of becoming a radio dj. I have no idea if I will be any good at it, but I won't know if I don't try, right?! I love music and I can talk the horns off a billy goat so it seems like I might do all right with it. Someday I'd love to have a show where I can talk to my callers and play music to get them through whatever moment they are experiencing. Music is an amazing connector. It touches, it heals, it inspires, it motivates and it captivates. It can take you back to a moment and connect you to a memory from long ago. I could talk about music forever.

I have been sick for over two weeks now and I just can't shake it. I keep pushing myself so that I don't get behind at college and it's starting to wear on me. I have a heavier load this semester and I'm definitely feeling it. I am going to see the doctor tomorrow and see if I can't get a handle on it.

I am truly loving living close to my children. They have grown into these amazing adults and I am so proud to call them mine! There is some exciting news regarding my daughter but I have to sit on it for a little longer.

I need to do a few things around here so I suppose this will be all for my first post. But, I think I'd like to end with the best and the worst of the day...the worst part was feeling so rough and taking my math quiz and doing so terrible on it and coughing so much I couldn't finish my gig at the radio station tonight...The best part of today...Just knowing I made it through and being able to call Sarah Lee and talk with her. She always makes everything better...just by being there. Life Goes On...
~Dina